Rantings of a Crazy White Woman

Wow, it has been a while since I sat down to inform the world about my wonderful, crazy, demanding family. Not much to report except I have taken my name off the nomination list for Mom of the Year. I have decided that emotionally scarring your children should be an Olympic Sport, I would probably win gold. I know that God has a plan and I think it is to reinforce the fact that I put my mom through hell as a child. My clone has definitely made me question how I survived and realize that my mom must be one patient person. Many questions from my childhood are being answered, like, what were our parents thinking letting us loose on the farm while they drank and played card? I know! I know! Pick me! I have the answer! I woke up this morning wanting a stiff drink at 6am, of course that is socially unacceptable, but it doesn't change the fact that I wanted one, well ten, anyways, being the responsible adult that I am I will wait until tonight. This week has been long, hard and just when you think everything is going to turn around your 3 year old vomits all over your bed, and that is the hilight of the week. I also discovered that panty liners work for many things, including protecting the before mentioned 3 year old from having to clean out his underwear, not that I would make him clean out his undies, but you get the point. They work great but I found out that men really are clueless. I asked my husband to make sure he put one in the kids pants and guess what-are you guessing? He responds with, "I don't know how to use them." SERIOUSLY? Is this rocket science? I am just glad it wasn't a tampon, those things confused me when I was 13, remember this is a 36 year old man who is confused about how to pull the strip off the pad, then when the strip is removed the sticky area attaches to the underwear. They actually have pictures on the package in case you are confused. Maybe it was the quiet pad wrapper that really played tricks with his intelligence. I am not sure and unfortunately for Jeff I don't care if it insults his manhood to put a panty liner in his son's pants. He wasn't the one cleaning them undies up. So my son has been sick since Monday, I have had to reschedule multiple appointments, my birthday came and Tyson was acting a lot better so we decided to eat out for my birthday. That went fine, except Tyson started throwing up again once we got home, so now I feel responsible cause I made him do to much before his body was ready. I never thought I would make it to 35 so I thought it was cause to celebrate, however, I was the only one who felt this way. My husband didn't forget my birthday, he just forgot to do anything for it. Oh well, life is great and to top off the end of my week, a freaking snow day. Which translates into, a day of listening to my girls yell at each other and be mean to one another and sit and trash my house together. It is AWESOME! I love it. So anyways, I love my family, but I wish I could start drinking at 6am.